Being unemployed sucks. I have already said, I know.
I have applied for a certain position recently. The position was something that I have already done before and have some (like few years) experience in the subject. Proven. Black on white, states clearly in my CV. The answer was “no”.
I have applied for another position within the same company. I have applied for a position for which I have no proven skills or experience, but I do feel like I could do it and more important: I would love to do it. The answer was “no”.
Don’t judge me by the action described above. It is just one of many stories about job searching I could tell. I have never applied before for two different positions within the same company in such a short period of time as I find it professionally suicidal.
Obviously I feel like shit right now. But not because I did something unprofessional but because of the fact that seems like I am good with nothing! I feel like shit, like none, like a piece of junk, feel empty and stupid, useless and unworthy.
The position “A” seemed to be a perfect match. I have done that, I liked it, I was pretty good at it. There is a future in this area. Job description included nothing I wouldn’t know or couldn’t do or learn. The company is fairly new, has a good reputation, is growing and has a potential. They have few openings on their website and few of them very interesting but only two of them were something that I could apply for. Position “A” was a safe option. I was quite sure I have great chance because I have required experience and skills! Unfortunately they don’t care. My CV has been rejected – failure on a very first stage.
I decided to apply for a position “B”. A fancy one. I have not much experience in this field. I have done something alike few years ago but nothing I can prove. That’s the thing. I did it and I loved it but I cant prove it. There is no way. Obviously there is a mention about it in my CV but those tasks were only small, tiny part of the job and my primary role was something completely different. Plus it was few years ago and to find it they would have to “scroll” down my CV a bit and really wanted to find it. And yes, I have highlighted it in my motivation letter. To make it even more shitty, position “B” was a position of an “assistant”. Not a bloody manager, director, specialist or any other highly qualified, super talented person but an “assistant”!!! Did I really asked for too much??? 😦
I CAN do that can you hear me??!!!! I CAN AND I WANT!!! I WANT to do the job!! I would be good at it!!! I would be your loyal and devoted employee!! The best one you have ever had!!! I would give you my best! I would love you and cherish you and I would move in to the office if you would ask! I would gather the experience and knowledge in a blink of an eye, because it is something I WOULD LOVE to do, got it??!!
Oh, I think I forgot to mention (to you) the fact that I have studied the subject! I went for a part time study, back in time when I was still working, I have completed my assignment, passed the exam and got a certificate!
So this is how things looks like: whether you’re applying for a position with proven skills and experience or a fancy one, that you think if you complete the study and you are arrogant enough to think you can do it, in both cases the answer will be NO! So lets say you are thirty something years old, finished some studies, learned some languages, worked in couple places, you are flexible, easily adapting, open minded, experienced (or not) or at least willing to learn person – the answer is NO!
Can someone tell me WHY?? If I would get at least small hint…I would improve or change! Whatever would that be…
Should I keep on searching only for a “safe options”? Should I include also those fancy ones? Even though being defeated on both fields is horribly, horribly painful… Or should I give up on any of those and lower not only my expectations but also lie about my achievements and start searching for something below my skills level?
PS. There is a song by Adele. I am sure it is not about job searching dilemmas :D, but the refrain got stuck in my head. It is a quite good picture of what is going on under my skull right now…
“Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place?
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?”